Backend is the devils incarnation

It looks like the power just didn’t work today when I woke up, I had to brush my teeth in the dark, that was fun. I’m sitting in a restaurant right now, and sitting in restaurant requires social interaction, which I don’t support. Some waiter asked me if I was from Poland. Which is fun.

Let’s get down to work.

I am a frontend developer, but full stack-developers seem to be in demand, so let’s write myself some sort of backend. I have never done it so let this be, an essay (from the french: an attempt).

Alrighty, I have a nice as fuck frontend for my Tinder-for-shoes™ and Imma need to make that thing be able to grab data from the cloud.

Let’s first, take the same website as we used in the fronted version, and just host the HTML code on my own “website”, and grab our information from there.

As I have said before, real Chads, write all their shit in Swift, so we will be using Swift Vapor, a framework that fucks. Unfortunately apple is letting itself get cucked by Amazon, Google and all the other cloud services and doesn’t offer any way to host with them, which is disappointing. So I am going to have to use Google Cloud services to deploy my Swift Vapor project to. At least they give me $300 free bucks to do whatever I want with.

Now, I got all that from googling shit for literally an hour, which is fun. Remember kids, 90% of learning to code is learning how to google well and being able to follow tutorials online without fucking everything up on your machine.

Now googeling is helpful but, the real trouble comes when you actually implement what the people from 2016 tell you to do. Which means errors, lots and lots of errors. I feel like the only thing in my life that is stable is HomeBrew (a service for downloading shit easily).

Here’s a pro-tip, if you ever find a tutorial on how to do shit, try to do what it tells you, but most likely it will yield to a lot of errors and shitty explaining ( I tried three times). For example, I used Christian Weinberg’s guide on how to deploy a vapor project to google cloud. One of the steps was to create a docker file, and the way he advised me to do that is by copying  the default docker file from the Vapor project, and changing it a bit. Now he totally forgets to tell us where and what to do with that file.

So in that case, Christian was super kind to just let me download the whole project from Github (downloading shit from github is gonna be a recurring theme here). That shit worked, which is rad. So the lesson is simple, if someone has done it already, just copy it.

You know, from writing this, I noticed that English has a shit swear word vocabulary, it’s like I got pretty much two words to use to add emphasis, fuck and shit. Which is kind of sad. Russian is cooler in that regard.

Backend is just such a sorry and boring thing to work one, half of my time spent is setting up different files a downloading some tool sets. It’s like I work for 5 minutes, and sit for 5 minutes waiting for my crap to download, initialize etc.

My favorite is sitting for 10 minutes staring at a console and then getting a timeout, only to google the error and find that you need to dive into one of the files of the project and change the timeout time. Like what kind of fucking programming is that?

If Front-end is heaven -> instant feedback on-demand, then backend is hell, with making them work together being the mezzanine.

There isn’t much interesting that happened today, but the shit is up: Link to hosted page

So I’m happy